Shit To Bring Travelling

I do lots of travelling. I mean, a lot. I was born a traveller. Or made one by my crazy-ass family. I dunno. But my first trip anywhere was a road trip to Alaska in my grandparents' motor home when I was five. It was super bomb, and all downhill from there. As a traveller, I have learned that there are very essential things you should bring with you, especially if you are a broke-bitch like me that drives home to the coastal region every weekend because Spokane is stupid and hot.

1. Your change jar. This has saved my life more than once. You never know when you're going to forget a pin number, your gift card actually has five dollars instead of twenty-five, or you leave your mulah on the seat next to you and it flies out the window as you're singing Fleetwood Mac at the top of your lungs. Great example of the importance of this little guy: this past weekend, I was driving back to Lameville and I was getting close to Empty. No big deal, I have some money on a plasma debit card because I'm cool and donate plasma to people that need to live. So I get to Moses Lake, and I need to stop to get gas. Bop on in to the station like the bad ass I always am, whip out my card and it doesn't work. I try four different pin numbers and nothing. The guy runs it as credit. DENIED. Motherfuckingbitch hobags. If I don't fill up, I will never make it back and be stuck in the middle for the rest of my life and I'll have to find a job at a sketchy gyro restaurant where they yell at me in Greek and I cry next to the back door that's stained black from dirty hoes. Luckily, I have a backup plan, like I always do, because I am quick on my feet. Change. I have change in my purse, my dad throws change in the cigarette tray, and there's random change stuck in the cup holders. Fuck yeah, and I have two dollars in my wallet. Twelve bucks worth of quarters and dimes later, I am on the road with three gallons of gas. Let this be a lesson to you: don't be an idiot and forget your pin numbers. And bring a change jar.
2. A towel. Listen to Towelie. Don't forget to bring a towel.
3. A pillow and a blanket. Because you might get stuck in the middle of a blizzard and you run out of gas and no one knows where you are because the radio towers were destroyed so you're forced to live out the week huddled around a crappy fire that you made out of the can of oil you found in the trunk and a can of green beans. Okay, probably not. But if you're going a long way and you're staying with people, they appreciate not having to provide everything for you. Or maybe you're a night driver and you need to take a break, take a nap before you get to your destination. Nothing makes for a good car nap like your own pillow. And seriously, that crazy blizzard shit happens. Be prepared.
4. Road snacks. Travelling causes hunger. This is a proven fact, brought to you by the Institute of Jessica Who Is Obsessed With Travel. Bring things that are good for you, that help with circulation. Sitting and getting slammed with all those g-forces is hard on you. Veggie tray, some spicy snacks, trail mix, protein bars, Rockstars, green tea. Those last three things are mostly for crazy people like me, who like to drive, again, at night and run 12 miles every day. I need my caffeine to keep me awake, and my protein to keep me alive, lol. Anyway, food. Again, you never know what you're going to get stuck in a deadly blizzard. Or just get really bored.
5. Sunscreen, sunglasses, sandals, an extra change of clothes and a map (in case you are too broke to have a gps). Just in case you want to stop at random beaches and sit in the sun for a bit.
6. Liquid bodywash, toothpaste and a toothbrush. Seriously, I have some of this just hangin' out in my car, just in case. Maybe you forget your shampoo. Maybe you forget your entire toiletry bag. Maybe you hang out and get drunk at your friend's house so much that you practically live on his couch....no one likes a dirty mouth, and no one likes a dirty girl. Voila, backup.
7. A travel mug. I have one and use it every friggin' day, and I use it for everything....it's so helpful. Iced tea? No problem. Hot coffee? No problem. Cereal? Done. Protein shake? Perfect. Need somewhere to hide your weed or cigarettes from your mom? This is your answer.
8. A Leatherman or Gerber or multi-tool of some kind. It will get you out of things in a pinch, and get you to the proper tool before your shit falls apart. I just carry mine around in my purse. I was driving home from Baker City, Oregon once, and my fuel filter was cloggin' my shit, causing my engine to die on the side of the road. I didn't have proper tools, but I had a new filter and a Leatherman. Whipped out the knife, chopped that bitch out, slapped the new one in and voila, got home to mechanic Dad. Fuck yeah. Success.
9. A bike rack, complete with amazeballs bicycle and bike pump and bike lock. Okay, so this isn't really necessary, but if you have an obsession with being active and finding all sorts of places to hike and bike while you drive through places, you need this. I just drive around with my bike on the back of my car, and my bike locked to the rack. Who knows when I'm going to need my bike? What if I run out of gas and I have to get somewhere quick-snap like a gas station to get gas to bring back to my car? Hell yeah, I have a bike. And what if you meet some random bicycling dude at 3 in the morning at the beach, become friends and he needs a ride home? You have a bike rack, bitch. Give that guy a ride home.
10. A five-gallon gas tank and jumper cables and a flash light. At one point in your life, you will need all of these things. And at one point in your life, you will need all of these at once.....I used to drive a 1971 Bug, okay? Don't judge me.

Experience, bro. Don't knock it. I know things. Be prepared. And travel your little heart out, get lost, meet random people at 3 am, and eat waffles and mimosas for breakfast on Saturdays when you get to your destination. You deserve it, you just went on an adventure to get to the people you love. =)

Ways To Avoid Random Things

I'm a fan of avoiding unnecessary hardships. I huge fan. Drama drives me crazy, which is partially why most of my friends are men and mostly why I just hang out by myself.

That and I can wear grungy sweatpants and no one cares.

Anyway, random things seem to happen to me a lot anyway, and I've found ways to keep them under control.

1. How To Keep Your Sunburn From Ruining Your Life For The Next Week: body butter and ridiculous amounts of water. Seriously. Go buy some body butter, take a cool shower and slather yourself in that shit. I mean slather, like you're Paula Deen's turkey on Thanksgiving. Yeah, aloe is good and all for the first hour, but it gets all weird and sticky and (for me at least) stops working after a certain point. Body butter? None of those things. It cools down your skin, hydrates it, makes it all soft and supple and the next day, you're closer to a nice tan instead of a grody burn. Trust me. You'll notice. And the water? Just drink a lot of it. Have a nice big glass, and right after that one, have another. Keep this up. You'll have to pee like a racehorse. But your skin will thank you.
2. How To Avoid Your Roommate's Parents/Landlords For The Entire Week That They Decide To Visit And Take Over Your Place Of Living: Sleep. Just keep your door closed and pretend you're sleeping hardcore. Then when you get up, pack some shit for an all-day adventure (a towel, computer, wallet water, iPod, sunglasses, exercise clothes, etc.) and tell them when they ask that you have so much to do today, starting with the gym. Spend the day driving around and doing all the random things you think about doing, but never do. Visit family. Visit friends. Go to a movie alone. Shop for shoes you can't afford. Smoke in the park. Then go to work. Then go for a run. Then don't come home until 11:30pm, when they've gone to sleep. Repeat for the next week until your days off, and decide to visit the coastal region for some beach time. By the time you return home, they will have gone. Never fails.
3. How To Convince Your Dad To Help Finance Your Bimmer: You don't. He has the money. You just have to make sure the damn thing works and is in amazing condition as well as being cheap. All you can do is give him the specs and your cute daughter dimples and lots of "Pppppllleeeaaaassssseeeeeee?!"
4. How To Avoid Needing A New Car Within Four Years And Having To Drive Your Dad's Car: Don't buy a 1971 Bug with the intention of driving it all over god's creation until you know everything works. Actually, just don't buy one with that intention. Air-cooled engines need lots of upkeep, no matter how cute and simple they are. Buy a water-cooled engine at least, okay? Don't be like me. Okay? Okay.
5. How To Avoid Getting A 0.30 GPA: Do your finals, at the very least. And some homework. Those will carry you. Again, seriously, don't be like me. I didn't even know this was possible for me. I kind of find this failure a success in some ways. It's very complicated to explain. My brain might melt. Onward.
6. How To Avoid A Nicotine Addiction While Still Smoking: Plenty of cardiovascular exercise and about four puffs on a cigarello. You will cough, and be high. And have no jones for nicotine. Great success!
7. How To Hate Everything: Scowling. Cynicism. Witty remarks. And a tall posture that says, "I'm a fuckin' badass. Take that."
8. How To Avoid Burning Your Face Off With Hotsauce: I just discovered this one today. Take your hot sauce and leave it in a very, very warm place for a few hours. Like the front seat of your car, in the sunshine, on a hot day. When you want to use it, go ahead and get some red kool-aid, lemonade or lime juice in water ready, with a cup of ice. Sit outside, where it is nice and warm and sunny. Remove lid from hot sauce, slather onto your food goodness, nom, and realize that the warmth from everything else kinda killed the spice factor a little. Drink your drank just in case. If it starts to burn uncontrollably, suck on the ice cubes. For reals.

Mkay, so I'm pretty sure that none of these are very helpful to the general public at all. But...they're kinda funny.

Don't avoid life. Just avoid the lame parts.

Things That I Love

It's time to focus in some love and tenderness....so, things that I love to love. Aww yeah.

1. Male athletes. I work on a college campus. Colleges have athletic teams. These teams train on campus....and I get to reap the glorious benefits. I was at work today and some lovely athletic college boys ran by without shirts. Who needs shirts when you have abs??
2. Tacos and sandwiches. Quite possibly two of the most amazing, versatile dishes in the entire world. You can do whatever the hell you want with them, put whatever you want in them, and they will still be incredible. May favorite? Turkey, tomato, sprout, spinach, paprika and mayo sandwiches on wheat, and super spicy Tilapia tacos with yellow peppers, garlic and onions on corn tortillas. Oh man. I want spicy things now.
3. BMW E30 M3s. Do I need to say more? Jizz.
4. My iPod. I am in absolute love with my iPod. One million songs. Video and camera functions. Did I mention one million songs, all songs that I like? Intertubes. Random apps that I don't even need. Reminds me of things. Keeps time for my workouts. Keeps my life notes. My iPod and I are going to get married and skip off into the sunset together.
5. Music. I cannot get enough music.
6. My family and friends. They are amazing, make me think and love me for who I am, no matter how stupid I get. Honestly, this should be number one. But this list is in no particular order.
7. Exercising. It's an addiction. Obsession. I will kill someone who tells me I can't exercise!
8. Getting to the point of tiredness or caffeine consumption where I begin to laugh hysterically at just about everything. This morning I had consumed so much caffeine that I began to laugh at a listing on craigslist for a BMW E30 project car. I have no idea. But it was funny. Don't ask. I don't pretend to know.
9. Cheese. I love cheese.
10. Booze. I have a few fifths sitting next to my mattress. That doesn't look suspicious or anything.
11. My dad's Audi. A4, six-speed 1.8 liter turbo, red, leather interior, heated seats, bangin' stereo system, all-wheel drive. So, sex on wheels pretty much. It makes me happy to drive. I find excuses to drive on the highway just so I can use sixth gear.
12. Searching for cars on craigslist, drooling at the ones I love and yelling (seriously, out loud) at the ones that are really, really retarded. I really do need a new one, but until then, my dad's all cool with me driving his for forever and a day, so in reality, I spend my time looking at amazeballs cars that cost a million dollars that I could never afford. But it's like eating ice cream for some people. It makes me all happy on the inside.

I love things. And I love to love things. And I get mad when things get in the way of me loving things. So, don't do this. I will break you.

Things That Seriously Freak Me Out

1. The six degrees of separation. I was just pwned by the six degrees on, of course, Facebook. Some guy that I met at a party 3 years ago and had a short thing with alllll the way on the coast is friends with a chick that I became friends with through my friend, both of whom live here. What the crap? And then he randomly added me. My mind is blown. There is more to this story. Much more. I think I'm scared to know.
2. Love. Love scares the ever living shit out of me. It can crush you, stab you, smack you in the face, stomp on your toes, cum in your eye and shoot you in the head. And I am still willing to just give it all away, but at the same time, so up-tight with letting people completely in....maybe that's why it scares me. Maybe it scares me to know that I am willing to give my love, but what if no one's willing to take it? What if no one's willing to give me any? What if they're willing to give and accept, but then all of a sudden they just withdraw everything? Just thinking about it makes me want to shit my pants. Moving on.
3. Cleaning my room. Maybe this is just a lazy thing. But I don't really know. It just....freaks me out. Probably because I just don't want to deal with the huge mess I have made of my personal space.
4. Running out of weed. Seriously. I have held on to the weed I bought a month ago, and smoked it sparingly, and running out of the amazing green makes my purse feel empty. And that...is a scary thing.
5. Not making decisions. Like, really? Being stuck in limbo sucks. I don't like it. Keep the ball rolling, people.
6. My eyebrows. They are a hot mess. All the time. Even when groomed. I can't continue talking about this.
7. I lost my grape Swishers. I'm really, really sad. And freaked out that I can't find them. I haven't been able to smoke in a week because I'm too much of a cheap-ass to buy more right now. And it's making me irritated....
8. Nausea. It gives me some freaky anxiety.
9. How bloated smoking cigarettes actually makes me. It's freakin weird. Does anyone else have this problem? Maybe it's just that I ate really late last night and THEN I smoked, which my body absolutely hates and makes me nauseous (see above).
10. My ridiculous addiction to caffeine. I think we've talked about this before. But it's actually kind of scary. One nice big mug full of freshly brewed espresso roast, then an hour later a tall soy matcha green tea latte with extra ice and 12 scoops of matcha, then two hours later a sugar and carb free berry Rockstar, then about three hours later another green tea latte. I get the shakes in the morning if I don't have it. I'm not kidding. But I guess it would be worse.
11. I have a very serious phobia of riding down hills on my bicycle. Have we talked about this before too? Maybe. I don't really know. I do know that I have it. It's real. It's the reason I need new brakes at more frequent intervals than the rest of society. But I do it anyway.

I am proud to say that I am a woman who, when she knows what she wants, she goes for it, no matter how scary the journey is, because the end result is usually incredible.

So go. Find those things that freak you out so bad, you almost cry. And then stomp on your fear, smoosh its guts out, pick it up with a paper towel, throw it in the trash, and go. Do. Be. Live. Experience. Love.